If I were a geneticist, I'd create graphite facial hair to speed up the morning shave by using a simple eraser.
Posted via email from McCann
Posts
Showing posts from July, 2009
Saw "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince", but they didn't see me.
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"The Cable Guy" is only 99c to rent on iTunes. That's a much better price, but I still calculate they'd have to pay me approximately $60.
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Like all great art, my postings mean whatever you want them to mean.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched. I wonder - could it be the 24-hour webcam harness I wear?
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I think Mankind will make it to the year 2020, but we won't know for at least a decade.
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Sometimes it seems like someone is following me. Maybe it's the recorded-footsteps loop I have playing from my backpack speaker?
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Want to feel organized and have less to do? Carry a notepad and write tasks as they occur to you. Then, rip out the page and throw it away.
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Not so impressed with the Moon landing anymore. Sorry, but me and my buddies went there back in high school.
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Obama's healthcare plan is like my iPhone 3GS: a good idea, I deserve it, very expensive, and I don't really have the funds for it.
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It's taking forever to finish typing my reference book, "The Complete List of All Numbers".
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My posts/tweets are 30% more humorous, now that I use FinallyFunny(tm)!
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Mimes can be interesting but aren't funny. Making fun of mimes is neither interesting nor funny.
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First there is a mountain. Then there is no mountain. Then there is. Wow, that David Copperfield is good!
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"Stuffering": A painful abdominal condition brought on by eating too many unidentifiable foods.
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It's hard to determine exactly which post/tweet made me an Internet star, but it's not this one.
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Bored with life? Start hitting Reply All on every email you respond to.
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Tips on tricking a gullible enemy #3: "Does this dioxin smell fresh to you?"
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Tips on tricking a gullible enemy #3: "Does this dioxin smell fresh to you?"
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Tips on tricking a gullible enemy #2: "Do these feel like crushed poison ivy leaves to you?"
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Tips on tricking a gullible enemy: "Does this wine taste poisoned to you?"
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Saw the trailer for "Orphan". Looked Orphul. (Posted from my Orphone.)
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My new product idea: Trashbag Topper -- buy it, throw it away immediately, and ensure that your trash bags are completely, efficiently full!
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I didn't get custody of MJ's kids after all -- but I did save a lot of money on auto insurance.
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I just filed for custody of Michael Jackson's kids. Hey, why not.
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Following her resignation, Sarah Palin most likely will... marry Gov. Sanford, replace MJ on tour, have octuplets?
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Why do so many American TV sitcoms for teens feel like they were filmed in Australia in the 1980s
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No matter how many times I throw away my bills, they just keep coming in the mail.
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